In Conclusion

It's funny because this entire semester there have been a lot of things about Stevens that I've been struggling with. Sometimes I think I almost get what he's saying, but most of the time he's way off in another dimension. I've been struggling with a lot of his points and I've tended to disagree with him in a lot of ways.

Until today.

I was working on my project and it just kind of clicked. Things the way they are. Devoid of the romantic. We, as humanity, tend to lie to ourselves in order to make ourselves feel better. We think about the white light, what happens when we die. We like to think that we're important and that each person as an individual makes a deep impact on this earth and everyone is important. But we're wrong. No one is important. We all eventually fade away and there will be nothing marking our existence. It will be like we were never here at all.

I always understood this. I had no difficulty understanding this mindset. But my question was, why is this bad? Why can't we lie to ourselves? If it makes us feel better, then why should we have to face reality? Why must we feel insignificant? I'm perfectly okay lying to myself.

But then, as I wrote my paper, I realized how dangerous this mindset is. It leaves us longing for things that do not exist and will never be. It leaves us striving for a nonexistent goal, not one that is too far beyond our reach, but one that is not even there at all. What kind of life is this? What kind of life is one lived for something that doesn't exist? I think I'd almost rather waste my life doing nothing than strive towards something that will never be. At least then I'd be fat, lazy and happy.

You can lie to yourself. You can pretend you're happy moving towards a nonexistent goal. But what good does that do you or the people around you? In order to move forward, you must know reality. You must be aware of things as they are. Only then can you move towards something productive. You'll know that the things you do don't and won't matter. You'll know that it may be futile. You'll know all this, but at least you'll know. At least your goals will have this in mind. And maybe, then, just maybe you might be able to work towards a greater progress. Maybe you might make a tiny knick in time, and maybe it won't fade away so soon.

But even if you are not able to do this, you will be better as an individual, and you won't waste your life. And that is what is important. You won't make a lasting difference, but you are still you and you are still important to yourself and those around you. So, knowing the truth, knowing reality, you can now be free to make a difference in the lives of those around you. It may not be remembered forever, it may not make a great change in the universe, but it will be remembered and appreciated now, and that's all you can do.

I guess, I just wanted to conclude this class by saying, I was skeptical, but it turns out that I did learn something from Wallace Stevens, and it was no small thing to learn. And for that I am grateful.